Frolix-8

The Minority Report - Do They Make Verbal Diocalm?

Online Student Feedback. Mostly unused and pointless. And then the odd comment arrives which makes the whole thing worthwhile. . . (names and addresses changed, errors in spelling and grammar retained):

The college intranet/extranet reminds me of web design during the early 90s - bright colours with flash menus! The college intranet/extranet is slow, disorganised, disfunctional and outdated.

The homepage contains links to different areas of the intranet/extranet without any sort of categorisation. This make certain information difficult to find.

I would suggest the college intranet/extranet be redesigned so that it is more organised and complies with the latest web design standards.

I would be grateful if you can raise this issue with those within the computing department. I am sure they will echo my criticisms.

I will not be satisfied with a single response. If possible, I would be grateful if you can provide me with details of the following:

- Raising of the issue
- Reaction from the computing/IT Department
- What action will be taken?
- Related quotes and documents

I am also interested in who is dealing with this query - please provided your name and occupation within the college. Details can be sent to mimi.mee@mimimeemail.co.ck
Please omit this address from the public listing of this query.

Regards,
Mimi Mee (1st year AS student)

This student is either going to be Prime Minister or make one hell of a traffic warden. If this is the kind of mindless pedant our society is now producing, pass me my revolver. I particularly love the ambiguity about not being 'satisfied with a single response'. Do they want multiple responses? Or are they simply stating that whatever response they receive will not be good enough? And what 'related quotes and documents' are they talking about? Is this lengthy, ignorant diatribe a precursor to some kind of legal action? Whatever the truth, I know one thing - poor Mimi doesn't know much about web design. If she did, she would realise the menus aren't Flash. They're CSS. And those menu links? They're kind of categories. And the reaction of the IT Department? We're still laughing, even now.

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The Minority Report - Google Chrome

Click to see the full image. The Chrome seems pretty good, the above image just tickled me, that's all.

UPDATE - Well that didn't last long. Apparently the Chrome 'helpfully' fills in username/password boxes for you. Fine if it gets the right ones, not so helpful when it fills in the wrong ones at the top of a long page of system settings you are working at the bottom of. Chrome, you're rusty already.

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"Life ... was a commercial for itself, endlessly replayed."

Worth1000.com

Step Away From The Internet...

PM and bank bosses discuss crisis

Housing gloom 'worst in 30 years'

Tesco sees profit rise to £2.8bn

Achtung Internet

In honour of their annual gigs and increased ticket price thanks to all those nefarious file-sharers (maybe), I embed for your hopeful sanity the incomparable Half Man Half Biscuit...
You're Hard		Restless Legs
Twenty-Four-Hour Garage People		Paintball's Coming Home
Running Order Squabblefest		Vatican Broadside

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So Del.Icio.Us

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Frolix_8 Welcomes Careful Eaters

Welcome, honoured Fimoculli. And a doff of my virtual cap to Rex.

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The Minority Report - Paperback Acrobat Writer

Oh IT, can you please check my Adobe file?
It’s two hundred pages, it might take a while.
I just can’t email it to all the staff, it just doesn't work -
I think it might be Acrobat Writer
Acrobat Writer...

Well I’ve checked your file and I’m afraid you’re right
It’s too big to send, it’s a load of shite
When you pdf it, does it reach the end? Or does your PC freeze?
I don’t think it’s Acrobat Writer
Acrobat Writer...

Acrobat Writer (Acrobat Writeeeerrrr…)

It's a hundred pages, give or take a few,
With fifty graphs and charts and ten-meg photos too.
Can you split it up and pdf each bit? A bit of work I know,
But I can’t think of something less shiter
Acrobat Writer...

I’ll try what you say, it sounds a lot of work
Why can’t you sort it out you lazy little berk?
And is this the reason my PC’s too slow? It’s been like this for weeks
How can you tell me it's not Acrobat Writer?
Acrobat Writer...

It's therapy, you know. With apologies to Lennon & McCartney, obviously.

The Minority Report - If You Control The Words, You Control The People...

Teacher 1 - So this update I need is where?

Teacher 2 - It’s a nupload.

Teacher 1 - A what?

Teacher 2 - It’s a nupload.A nupload. From the ninternet.

Teacher 1 - Riiight. You mean the internet?

Teacher 2 - It’s a nupload.Oh, yes! That’s what I meant! Sorry, long week.

Teacher 1 - Ha, ha! Well, so it’s a nupload from the internet then?

Teacher 2 - It’s a nupload.Yes.

Teacher 1 - Great. [Pause] Are these nuploads easy to use?

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The Minority Report - Occam's Razor

Palmer Eldritch - Good morning, IT Helpdesk.

Teacher - Ah, hello help desk. I’ve got a student who’s working on his web site and when he tests his visitor feedback page, the data appears in his friend’s database instead of his own…

Palmer Eldritch -Well, the folder permissions are correct, so...

Teacher -Well that’s what’s happening. I saw it.

Palmer Eldritch -OK. What does his database connection string say?

Teacher -Er….well, it’s….erm…

Palmer Eldritch - [tactfully changing the subject] Could I connect to the student’s machine and watch them test the page?

Teacher - [mightily relieved] Yes! Yes, that’d be great.

[PE connects, and watches the student in question go not to his own web site but his friend’s….]

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