May 19, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch - "A boundary between the wearer and the world around him, the device would become a sort of visual drug, used to make the world appear a better place – even if just for a moment."

The Variable Man - "It is envisioned that developing the VULCAN engine will enable full scale hypersonic cruise vehicles for intelligence, surveillance, reconnaissance, strike or other critical national missions."

Dr. Futurity - "NeuroArm can operate in the brain in a way that is less invasive and more delicate than a surgeon's hands."

The Hood Maker - "This system has online EEG signal acquisition and real-time signal processing. It can be used in many applications..."

Second Variety - "It kind of looks like he's trying to find his little robot buddies so they can sing a song about slushies before nap time, while simultaneously dragging a cinder block behind him. You know, cute."

The Simulacra - "After watching Honda's Asimo conduct the Detroit Symphony, Toyota's distressed team of robots hopped a box car with a jug of wine and wound up leaning in and kicking out a clear harmonic cry to some corporate goons in Japan."
--- Dick-Headline ---
The World's Spookiest Weapons
"I gave up hope ironically for Lent."

Half Man Half Biscuit, Lord Hereford’s Knob
(CSI: Ambleside, Probe Plus Records 2008)

May 18, 2008

PKD Day 2 @ NTU - 14th June 2008


Evidently my foul-mouthed blurting towards Graham Joyce and Ian Watson at last year's event didn't put them off, because Prof. John Goodridge and Mr. Souvik Mukherjee of Nottingham Trent Uni are going for a second PKD Appreciation Day. Not only that - they've asked me to put my mouth where my keyboard is (so to speak), get up there and talk to people from the stage, rather than simply heckle. I will therefore be bringing the 'Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?' roadshow to Nottingham for one day only, complete with microrobs and homeostatic traps. Kind of.

That aside, there are some real treats lined up (with more to be announced), including Mr. Alberto Paulino (PKD collector extraordinaire), Dr. Barry Atkins (who promises to send us into "Videogames: Playing in a Dickian Universe") and Prof. Goodridge himself, who will hold forth upon "emotionalism and melodrama". Even if I wasn't already going, I would be there just to find out what "emotionalism" is.

10 am is the time. Saturday 14th June is the date. Clifton Campus' John Clare Lecture Theatre is the venue. Click thence for the web site. And it's going to be videoed, apparently, so I may have to send a sim in order to retain my anonymity. I'll dig out that PKD head that arrived in the post the other day and maybe stick it on that Abraham Lincoln I have in the garage...



UPDATE - So, Souvik tells us (in t'comments) there's a beer-related competition, i.e. to link the logo from the PKD Day 2 website to the man himself (PKD, not Souvik). Logo below and email your answers to pkdday2atntu@gmail.com. Presumably any overseas winner will receive a tinny. Or perhaps a slip of paper with 'BEER' written on it...

May 16, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?

Your Friday Sign of the Times

A Scanner Darkly - "You can have a camera on every corner, but who's watching what the camera sees?"

Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said - "They were pretty shocked that the government could do this sort of thing, because it doesn’t happen that often, except to people you never hear about, like Haitians and Guatemalans."

Exhibit Piece - "Because man has tamed this invisible, omnipresent electric force and harnessed it to his tasks, today’s civilization depends almost for its very existence upon its uninterrupted flow."

A Surface Raid - "It is desirable to improve the data communication capability and the user interface of electronic weaponry to facilitate data gathering and data analysis."

Nanny - "Enabling robots to interact safely with humans is a key need for the future development of robotics."

Second Variety - "Once the robot is assigned a mission, compatible with its structural and mechanical capabilities – for example ‘find people alive’ – it is able to work out how best to do this itself in a particular external context."

The Mold of Yancy - "He will also write for local papers in London. He will do that free of charge"

The Transmigration of Timothy Archer - "So if you want to foster a culture of life, don't believe that it continues after death. Nurture life now. Protect life now. Embrace life now."
--- Dick-Headline ---
7 Insane Conspiracies That Actually Happened
"Llewelyn-Bowen, two Carols. Go on, Bobby - both barrels."

Half Man Half Biscuit, Took Problem Chimp To Ideal Home Show
(CSI: Ambleside, Probe Plus Records 2008)

May 15, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


The Zap Gun - "So confusing is Pentagonese, that in at least one case, military officers are forced to look outside for help."

Radio Free Albemuth - "Attention to the gentleman in the plaid shirt: You are not allowed to take photographs in the Subway. You will be arrested if you continue to take photos and harrass the metro worker."

A Scanner Darkly - "We exchange cards. I give him my business card that says "Photographer" as well as my iStock card (for legitimacy), and he gives me his card that says "Detective, FBI Joint Terrorism Task Force"."

Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said - "I stopped at the pretty much deserted weigh station and took a couple pictures, then drove off. About 10 minutes later I received a call on my cell phone from Washington State Patrol asking why I had been taking pictures of the weigh station!"

The Divine Invasion - "The official Vatican newspaper headlines his article 'Aliens Are My Brother'. "
--- Dick-Headline ---
We Are Tracking Your Every Movement, But In a Fun Way
"She stayed with me until she moved to Notting Hill. She said it was the place she needs to be. Where the cocaine is Fairtrade and frequently displayed is the Buena Vista Social Club CD."

Half Man Half Biscuit, The Light at the End of the Tunnel (is the Light of an Oncoming Train)
(Cammell Laird Social Club, Probe Plus Records 2002)

May 14, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


Dr. Futurity - "We want them to be able to release a drug and kill the tumor without damaging adjacent tissue."

Our Friends From Frolix 8 - "Taser is demoing all kinds of gear this week -- from shock-inducing shotgun rounds to "area denial" zappers that can fry groups of people at once."

Now Wait For Last Year - "He is optimistic that robot parts will become more modular, so it will be easier to build them, and more importantly, faster to design them."

Survey Team - "The highest priority is to understand when liquid water was present on Mars."

Vulcan's Hammer - "The government is growing increasingly interested in waging war online."
--- Dick-Headline ---
Doomed Android Love Story On Infinite Repeat
"He’d been found guilty of wearing a Brazilian shirt with a number 10 on the back and swigging from a bottle of lager, whilst talking of the beautiful game."

Half Man Half Biscuit, Used To Be In Evil Gazebo
(Trouble Over Bridgwater, Probe Plus Records 2000)

May 13, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


A Scanner Darkly - "The ATF inadvertently bought counterfeit cigarettes from the FBI -- the government selling to the government -- because the agencies are running parallel investigations of tobacco smuggling between Virginia and other states."
[ cheers, Plotinus ]

Ubik - "Behind doors on the tombstone that can be locked is a QR code -- a square code read by mobile phones that can link to Web addresses. Grave visitors can use the code to access images and photographs of the person while they were alive."

Stability - "My own solution of hanging them naked from lamp-posts by their toes and offering passers-by the chance to spank them with table tennis bats for charity and sticking the video on YouTube was not, sadly, among the key solutions offered."

The Game-Players of Titan - "If we can achieve the proper thrust-to-weight ratio, jet-powered aircraft could become cheap enough that everyone can afford one."

Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said - "We’re always yearning for something tangible to use as tools to teach self-efficacy."
--- Dick-Headline ---
You Are Already in a Game. Right Now.
"I tried to put things into perspective - set it against the scale of human suffering - and I thought of the Mugabe government and the children of the Calcutta railways. This worked for a while, but then I encountered Primark FM..."

Half Man Half Biscuit, National Shite Day
(CSI:Ambleside, Probe Plus Records 2008)

May 12, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


The World Jones Made - "Jones also revealed he and the other two boys took the severed head to the juvenile's home, where they used the skull as a "bong" to smoke marijuana..." AND "What could be better in life than robots and cocktails? Well, nothing!"

VALIS - "NOTE: The sound modulation may be voice or audio subliminal messages. "

The Crack In Space - "The estimated population of the world will pass 6,666,666,666 today."

Stability - "We know the limits of technology, even though I would put our filtering software up against anybody's, especially because of that human element - we're adding 500 to 1000 words every day to the filters, simply because of slang that works its way into the language."

A Scanner Darkly - "All you need is a source of light like a flashlight and decent eyesight. It also helpful to have a toilet paper tube."
--- Dick-Headline ---
Killer Robots Can Now Eat Us and Enjoy the Flavor
"I said to Jesus, 'How much do you love me?' He said, 'This much...' and stretched out his arms and died. And I said to myself 'Is that a stock reply?' "

Half Man Half Biscuit, Numanoid Hang-glide
(This Leaden Pall, Probe Plus Records 1993)

May 09, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?

Your Friday Sign of the Times

The Hood Maker - "Not only could the cell phone signals alter a person's behavior during the call, the effects of the disrupted brain-wave patterns continued long after the phone was switched off."

Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said - " "We want to put the issue to rest," he said, noting that all along, the FBI only wanted to talk to the men."

Radio Free Albemuth - "Mike Schuck, chief executive of AABC, says that theft by members of staff costs the British economy billions of pounds each year and rejects the notion that the register is a blacklist."

Sales Pitch - "If you’re gonna say, ‘Buy my insurance because of these boobs,’ I say ‘No thanks.’ But if you say, ‘What’s more Brazilian than a naked Brazilian and her Brazilian drink,’ I say, ‘What time’s happy hour.’ "

VALIS - "Case two was a 62-year-old surfer. He heard the opening bars of Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child for six months, when there was really no sound there. This man had mild deafness and smoked cannabis but otherwise had no other relevant medical history."

The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch - "And the only thing that'll be able to help them... is a fleet of flying trucks that look an awful lot like beefed-up versions of Star Wars' land speeders."
Farcebook

Second Variety - "...this August, we'll see an unmanned buggy that can analyze a gunman's movements, a self-propelled, remote-controlled camera and minuscule helicopters used for reconnaissance missions."

We Can Remember It For You Wholesale - "Hoffman is on a quest to find his memories and figure out why the people he's killed keep coming back to life."
--- Dick-Headline ---
First-Ever Example of a Computer Hack Attacking People's Brains
"Once you wiped away my tears and cleaned my grated knees. You hang-glide with the Numanoids and stopped my rare disease - the one in which I get these silly visions in my mind and have to write them all down for the nurse."

Half Man Half Biscuit, Numanoid Hang-glide
(This Leaden Pall, Probe Plus Records 1993)

May 08, 2008

The Minority Report - Moodle Messaging

Rachel SWINE [08:42 AM]: she is sittin opp u
Chuck UPP [08:43 AM]: wat hwk
Rachel SWINE [08:43 AM]: long hair
Rachel SWINE [08:43 AM]: u know the essy
Chuck UPP [08:43 AM]: oh yer
Chuck UPP [08:43 AM]: oh i see her
Chuck UPP [08:43 AM]: long brown hair?
Rachel SWINE [08:44 AM]: haaaaaaaaa! this is hard!

~~~

Alannah BILGE [09:50 AM]: Argh, didn't get the chance to go online last night... Anyways, we see each other today so I'll tell you
Alannah BILGE [09:50 AM]: Plus i got the books and the Brokeback Mountain DVD for you
Alannah BILGE [09:51 AM]: What the heck, i see u next lesson anyway so why am i telling you all this???

~~~

Ajna PUMPI [07:37 AM]: omg how boring
Ajna PUMPI [07:38 AM]: is any1 else not coming
Saranjit DUTYI [07:38 AM]: erm yeah but noty many!
Saranjit DUTYI [07:38 AM]: fred still cums though!
Ajna PUMPI [07:39 AM]: does he
Saranjit DUTYI [07:39 AM]: YEAHHHH!
Ajna PUMPI [07:39 AM]: now that i've finished my exams i'll probably come now
Saranjit DUTYI [01:01 PM]: are you my cousin?


Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch - "The Carry On installation features a series of suitcases fitted with robotic arms and micro-cameras which survey their surroundings. Why did you feel the necessity to develop a work that explores surveillance and paranoia?"

The World Jones Made - "One of the things art should do is make you think and question things."

The Impossible Planet - "Humanity, the pack of glorified monkeys that we are, has decided to see no evil. Places that might have never been seen by human eyes are already full of our refuse."

Shell Game - "What if your cell phone calls, your television, your GPS system, even your bank transactions, could be taken out with a single missile?" the military ad asks. "They can."

Dr. Bloodmoney - "Eventually the notion of setting off hydrogen bombs in orbit started to seem like a bad idea."

Radio Free Albemuth - "The main theme of the book, as detailed in chapter 1 is critical awareness."

Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said - "The programme in Essex has been successful, even though it may raise human rights issues about such tough tactics, especially if those harassed by the police have not been found guilty of any criminal offence."

A Scanner Darkly - "This argument over drug classification is distracting attention away from where the real and substantive debate on whether drugs should be illegal or regulated." AND "If the mayor is expecting tube and bus staff to confiscate people's drinks then they are effectively being forced into a policing role for which they are not trained."
--- Dick-Headline ---
Dance, Robot Snake Girl, Dance!
"The lady in red hides under the bed from her husband who quotes Chubby Brown."

Half Man Half Biscuit, He Who Would Valium Take
(Voyage To The Bottom Of The Road, Probe Plus Records 1997)

May 07, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?

America, by dog'S faint!!

We Can Remember It For You Wholesale - "So, if we dared, could we use the resources of modern science to improve human memory?"

Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said - "Only 3% of street robberies in London were solved using CCTV images, despite the fact that Britain has more security cameras than any other country in Europe."

Sales Pitch - "One could even argue that it’s a classy spot. Why? Because I would have expected Axe to show two women rubbing sunscreen all over each other, possibly while watching prison porn."

The Mold of Yancy - "Yummy, yummy rich people. What a tool she is. Never mind that she was against a gas tax holiday in 2000."
Farcebook

The Zap Gun - "In development for more than 30 years, the research is beginning to bear fruit, and may soon spawn more powerful bombs, warheads that tear apart stone and concrete, mines that can be set to stun or kill, and grenades that can swat rockets or mortar rounds out of the sky like flies."

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep ? - "The device has been used seven times, and has been shown to provide very stable anesthesia to patients."
--- Dick-Headline ---
Space is compressed by a fast turn of your head
"I should have just got a job on the bins. The pay’s better and I’d know some hard blokes. And I wouldn’t have to pretend that I know what 'rhetorical' means."

Half Man Half Biscuit, Lark Descending
(Editor's Recommendation, Probe Plus Records 2001)

May 06, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep ? - "- Replicants will produce realistic chain of events between many users without explicit scripting behavior.

- Replicants must be capable of implementing multiple user roles similar to roles found on operational networks."


Ubik - "Get ready to pay atelier sneaker prices for these babies, because designer MSTRPLN (not to be confused with MSTRKRFT) and Ubiq (not to be confused with Ubiquio) teamed up to produce some straight black Nike Dunks with built-in WiFi detection. It's called A Step in the Right Direction, and we might actually agree."

The World Jones Made - "Why the seal attempted to have sex with the penguin is unclear."

Foster, You're Dead ! - "What we do know is that somebody, somewhere in 2005 was expecting to deal with radioactivity -- and being sold inadequate protective gear to do. So the mystery is: Where did the vest come from?"
--- Dick-Headline ---
Massive Attack Makes Blade Runner Melt Down
"I've got a better frown than Tony Iommi."

Half Man Half Biscuit, 4AD3DCD
(This Leaden Pall, Probe Plus Records 1993)

May 05, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?

Monday is Dark-Haired Girl Day

The World Jones Made - "Muslims at the provisional mosque in a derelict supermarket on the other side of town are feeling under siege."

The Golden Man - "Kintaro (a.k.a. “Golden Boy”), a popular child folk hero embodying strength and bravery..."

Sales Pitch - "I assume it’s a female sex enhancer, or some manner of potion that makes you shrink and hallucinate."

The Zap Gun - "It all sounds pretty gruesome, and when you realize that he's describing about the generation of high-pressure shockwaves around the retina, it sounds like he's talking about a weapon which will make eyeballs explode."

A Scanner Darkly - "Activity in the orbitfrontal cortex, which is thought to be responsible for feelings of dread and anxiety, quickly shut down."
--- Dick-Headline ---
Robot Planes Target Smithsonian
"So, to sum things up, we must act soon. ‘Cause at high noon a tyrannical loon is going to flip and blast us all to probable bits."

Half Man Half Biscuit, A Song For Europe
(Some Call It Godcore, Probe Plus Records 1995)

May 02, 2008

The Minority Report - Internal Affairs

The world of Education is indeed a miasma of cliques and private codes....

-----Original Message-----
From: Brad Lindisfarne
Sent: 01 May 2008 15:11
To: Gregg Peggles
Subject: lesson observations


Gregg,

This is the list of colleagues who were to have internal lesson observations during 2007/08 and whose paperwork I have not yet received.

Brad

-----Original Message-----
From: Gregg Peggles
Sent: 02 May 2008 11:23
To: Brad Lindisfarne


Evan is planning to do Tom after the AS exams.
I do not propose to do Evan!

Gregg


Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


Confessions of a Crap Artist - "There's aliens, real-life aliens on a wall," one unidentified girl said. "No one believes us."

The World Jones Made - "They believe it will make their children strong and say no accidents have ever happened."   [ link to video which plays automatically ]

The Simulacra - "Professor Nutt says that psychotherapies are not tested by the same strict criteria faced by drug treatments."

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep ? - "Detecting emotional cues is hardly a new endeavor, but this so-called Robometer concept device takes a slightly different (but not entirely unique) approach to things, with it actually promising to help you feel happy by prompting you when you stray too far into tediousness."
--- Dick-Headline ---
Is Cheap Video Surveillance Possible?
"I keep well away from places where they tend to wear glasses I am certain they don't really need to wear."

Half Man Half Biscuit, On Passing Lilac Urine
(Editor's Recommendation, Probe Plus Records 2001)

May 01, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


The Electric Ant - "Vetting a chip with a hidden agenda can't be all that tough, right? Wrong."

The Penultimate Truth - "...new research suggests that comparing a current situation with an even worse atrocity comes with a price - it desensitises our judgment of future moral violations."

A Scanner Darkly - "If you wanted a sure sign that the Orwell-ization of Great Britain is underway, then look no further than this."

Second Variety - "The idea is that a variety of crawling or flying mini-droids will be produced, able to go into situations where human troops might fear to tread..."

The Unreconstructed M - "Watch as a modular robot made by scientists at the University of Pennsylvania reassembles itself when kicked apart."

Survey Team - "It would be good news if we find Mars to be sterile. Dead rocks and lifeless sands would lift my spirit."
--- Dick-Headline ---
$160 Billion Robotic Army Network Passes First Big Test. Kinda.
"I want the hand-held pumps. I want the Sci-Fi meet. I want Dave and Marjorie to refer me to the blackboard."

Half Man Half Biscuit, C.A.M.R.A. Man
(Voyage To The Bottom Of The Road, Probe Plus Records 1997)

April 30, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


The Hanging Stranger - "The 47-year-old academic says he wasn't even aware alcoholic lemonade existed when he and Leo stopped at a concession stand on the way to their seats in Section 114."

The Zap Gun - "Laser Guided Energy is a transformational weapon technology by which a controllable high voltage electric charge can be precisely guided by a laser through the atmosphere to induce a range of controllable effects against a variety of potential military and security targets." AND "Gaubatz says he saw first hand the military testing the ray gun on... goats."

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep ? - "A long-range study being presented at the upcoming meeting of the American Association of Neurological Surgeons demonstrates how patients, over a 10-year period with brain implants, gained increasing control over their moods and obsessive behaviors."

Not By Its Cover - "I think it would be helpful to have a version of this printer that has a dial that would let you choose how long the print lasted. An hour, a day, a month - you pick."
--- Dick-Headline ---
South Korea to Build Robot Cities by 2013
" 'Milky drink and Sudafed, that should sort you out,' she said."

Half Man Half Biscuit, Restless Legs
(Achtung Bono, Probe Plus Records 2005)

April 29, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?


Faith Of Our Fathers - "Now a group of researchers with the United States Department of Energy are studying the drug, watching how it affects the brains of non-human primates, to find out if it has any therapeutic value."

The World Jones Made - "Art is life, life is art."

The Penultimate Truth - "Israel's newest soldier."

Solar Lottery - "How you appear in the virtual world could affect your behavior in real life, according to researchers at Stanford University."
--- Dick-Headline ---
Kid, Meet Your Old Man (and his Robot Body)
"Say 'hello, spinal curvature'. Get used to the mirthless furniture. Now we've kissed, I've written this list - I thought you ought to know..."

Half Man Half Biscuit, Them's The Vagaries
(Cammell Laird Social Club, Probe Plus Records 2002)

April 28, 2008

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?