Frolix-8

Adult Game Shows

I hope I can remember all of these from last night (there's a few new ones as well);

Feel of Fortune
Who Wanks To Be A Millionaire?
Feel Or No Feel
Family Whore Tunes
Cunt Down
Cock Busters
The Vice is Right
Gimp-Mask the Family
Bargain Cunt
Beat the Cock
Beat the Teacher (no change needed there)
Blind Rape
Maul My Muff
Can't Fuck, Won't Fuck
Snatchphrase ('It's good, but it's not right')
Bastardmind
Cheggers Plays Cock
Strictly Come Dancing (again, no change required)
8 Out of 10 Twats
The Eurovision Dong Contest (I think this actually exists)
Never Mind The Buzzing Cocks

Any more?

Soli-Crack

Forget World of Warcraft. Forget Everquest. Forget Second Life. The truly game-addicted go straight for the mainline - Solitaire;

"Dr Luis von Ahn of Carnegie Mellon University estimated that in 2003, nine billion human hours were spent playing computer solitaire.

To put this in context, the construction of the Panama Canal took 20 million human-hours. "

Can't wait 'til he turns his statistical eye onto blogging.

Half Life - The Film

Turning computer games into films is normally the pastime of dollar-crazed fools, but this looks like it might just work...the game itself is very cinematic, if I can use such a word. Mind you, if you've not played the game, then it'll probably just be another Resident Evil set in a lab. Are we soon to be blessed with Grand Theft Auto:The Movie any time soon, I wonder? If they base it on the original, it could be quite amusing, if a bit difficult to follow. Or perhaps Tetris:The Movie? With special handsets which control the dropping blocks based on the audience majority choice? Or World of Warcraft:The Movie, in which the audience has to set up a direct-debit in order to watch the film, which is, of course, never ending. Personally, I'll go for the low-budget, high concept production of Elite:The Movie. Again with the handsets from the Tetris film, but this time the majority vote influences the criminality of the protagonist. Fuck those Vipers.

On The Game

Yet another inspirational lunch brings forth this list of pornographic board games;

Manopoly
Lewdo
Ker-Spunk
Tiddly Wanks
Game of Wifeswap
Fuck-A-Roo (Australian Special Edition)
Twat Race
Pop-Up Pervert
Hungry Homos
Go Downfall
Pricktionary
Trouser Snakes and Ladders
Guess Ho
Connect Foreskin
Risk of Infection
Swingballs
Rubik's Cunt

Viz must've done this years ago, surely?

The Legal Power of Fuck

This first paragraph in this morning's web roundup could have been put in my infrequent 'Modern Signs of Ageing' series of posts - a chap in Japan writing about couples using their computers at the same time and what that does for their relationships. The comments from others are interesting - particularly from one Anna C, who pretty much covers why the internet is so fascinating and ubiquitous. The discussion reminded me of something a colleague said a few weeks ago about his parents - they get in from work, boot up their PCs and are pretty much on World of Warcraft until the early hours. It sounded a bit Evercrack to me, but then these MMORPGs encourage such behaviour.

Video game / net addicts seem wholly sane, however, next to the religious. I've bashed religion a few times in this blog, most recently Scientology, but now there's a new multi-millionaire right-hand of the Lord. Honestly, God now has so many right-hands he must look like a deformed Durga. Anyway, this new right hand (new to me, anyway), is one Rick Warren and he calls his new spin on God-fearing the Purpose Driven Life (that should be hyphenated, of course, but let's not be pedantic at this stage). So far, so tedious. The difference is that apparently Warren has put a considerable amount of mana behind a video game - Left Behind - which depicts a world sans bible-bashers (they've all been sucked up to Heaven in 'the Rapture', of course. Keep up.) and consumed by religious war. Your mission, in this dominionist FPS, is 'to conduct physical and spiritual warfare' against 'Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, gays, and anyone who advocates the separation of church and state - especially moderate, mainstream Christians'. It'll be out in time for Christmas.

If the mention of religion has your blood boiling like Sodom's swimming baths, then you might want to take a look at some calming academic research - into the F-word. That's 'fuck', by the way, not 'fundamentalist'.

Who put the 'mental' in 'fundamentalist' ?
Who put the 'cunt' in 'Scunthorpe' ?
Who put the...oh, bollocks to it, I've got work to do.

UPDATE - Seems like the infamous F-word will now cost you much money if you dare say it on US broadcast meeja...

Bad Brains

Played Star Wars Top Trumps this afternoon. So gripped was I by the incisive gameplay that I was reduced to making up lewd anagrams from the various characters' names. 'Obi Wan Kenobi' was reduced to 'Bonie Wank Boi', which will no doubt please any Avril Lavigne fans out there. 'Darth Vader' is 'DD Hat Raver'. 'Luke Skywalker' becomes 'Larky Ewe Skulk'. 'Princess Leia' is, apparently, also 'Al Eric's Penis' or 'A Piss Recline'. Needless to say I did not share these flashes of comedic inspiration with my fellow players, and I already regret sharing them with you. Oh well. Another bit of blog-therapy over with.