The Minority Report - New Year, New Brain

And so another academic year rolls around. Teachers begin to arrive, providing the support staff with some level of entertainment as they are sun-tanned yet defiantly miserable. And so the minority reports continue...

Palmer Eldritch - Hello, IT Helpdesk.

Teacher - [ exhibiting the most annoying antipodean interrogative ] Hi - you’ve put the internet on my laptop? I was just wondering how I access it?

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IT Tech 1 - Hello, IT Helpdesk?....Yes, the power is off in the main block. They're doing some work down there, apparently....yes, so the computers are all off, that's right. Yes, and the door swipe won't, either...Well isn't there a key somewhere? [pause] So you want to deliver something to a room that cannot be opened? [ Palmer Eldritch starts humming the theme to The Muppet Show ] What's that in aid of? 'Looney Tunes' ?

Palmer Eldritch - It’s the Muppet Show theme. I thought it was a suitable tune to hum at this juncture.

IT Tech 1 - What, you mean they’re all green frogs? Yeah...

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IT Tech 1 - [ apropos of the French and their achievements in the current Olympic games ] I hate the French. I’m one of those people who think that the money spent on the channel tunnel would have been better spent building a wall. I’m a complete Anglophobe.

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IT Manager – So what we have is a list of sites with public transport information, which covers all the main modes of transport for students. Such as ‘travel-line’ for buses and trains.

Senior Well-Paid Bod – ...And you would want to add other modes to that list?

IT Manager – Yes. Car pools, people on foot, that kind of thing.

Senior Well-Paid Bod – Yes. I suppose what we would need for pedestrians would be ‘paedo-line’, or something like that.

IT Manager – [pause, slight gaping in disbelief ] Yes…although you probably wouldn’t want to put that into Google...

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