Frolix-8

The Minority Report - Silly Season

Frolix_8 will be undergoing essential maintenance over the next two weeks. Services should be considered 'at risk' during that time. We apologise for any inconvenience caused but would like to point out that readers should be doing something better with their time anyway, especially now the weather's nice. In the meantime, please to be reading the following examples of what heat does to the human brain...

-----Original Message-----
From: Sasha Newand-Fartookeen
Sent: 20 June 2008 14:25
To: Gilbert Illusionator, Palmer Eldritch
Subject: FW: Video

Hiya

i am here - where are you?

S

-----Original Message-----
From: Palmer Eldritch
Sent: 20 June 2008 14:30
To: Gilbert Illusionator
Subject: RE: Video

Errrrrrm???

From: Gilbert Illusionator
Sent: 20 June 2008 14:32
To: Palmer Eldritch
Subject: RE: Video

It’s odd ‘cos I’m here too and there’s no sign of her

~~~

Tech 1 - Guess where I’m going at the weekend?
Tech 2 - Where?
Tech 1 - No, I said ‘guess’, you’re supposed to guess.
Palmer Eldritch - I bet playing 'I-Spy' with you is great fun -
Tech 1 - Yeah, "I spy with my little.." "Just fucking tell me what it is…" !

~~~

Tech 2 - Why do I feel like I’m in a…
Tech 1 - …dream?
Tech 2 - No…
Tech 1 - …film?
Tech 2 - No…
Tech 1 - …play?
Tech 2 - No.
Tech 1 - Pop video?
Palmer Eldritch - A book! Three words! First word ‘The’!
Tech 2 - No! One of those places where they burn dead bodies.
Tech 1 - [pause] A sauna?

~~~

Security Blakey - What are you looking at?
Palmer Eldritch - I’m so glad you’re happy.
Security Blakey - I am. [pause] I’m bloody hot.
Palmer Eldritch - Hey, I said I’m glad you’re happy. I didn’t say I fancied you.

---

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?

Faith of Our Fathers - "In the 1960s, retired US Army colonel James S. Ketchum led efforts to develop a nonlethal incapacitating agent as a weapon for a 'war without death'..."

Confessions of a Crap Artist - "Dr Mitchell is a great American, but we do not share his opinion on this issue."

Stability - "After they saw me dousing myself with it, it should have been obvious to them that it was sunblock and not some explosive."

Radio Free Albemuth - "Over the phone a public affairs worker told me again I'm not on the watch list, and don't even think that someone in the TSA or anyone else is trying to get even."

Your Appointment Will Be Yesterday - "The death ray has only evil applications, so I'm relieved that its blueprints are safely stowed with the anti-gravity coil and the tachyon generator at the Alien Property Office."

The Man Who Japed - "A few weeks ago in Barcelona, prankster artist Mark Jenkins installed a real sculpture of a strange donkey and disguised it as a "living statue." What fun!"

The World Jones Made - "One parent said she had been appalled by the sight of girls walking up to the school gates with bright orange legs."

---

--- Dick-Headline --- Crappy Movies Are Destroying Your Brain, Say Scientists

"At the New Romantic craft fair, try and guess the alien’s weight, sir. Twenty-five pence says you can't" Half Man Half Biscuit, Deep House Victims' Minibus Appeal (Voyage To The Bottom Of The Road, Probe Plus Records 1997)

---

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?

The Minority Report - "Wait - can a president really pardon someone who hasn't even been charged with a crime?" ( Plotinus strikes again )

The Simulacra - "Fake coffee on the real news, two plastic cups permanently filled with some kind of bogus drink. The anchors aren't even supposed to acknowledge them..."

Radio Free Albemuth - "She was yelling 'I have power, I have power, I have power...' "

The Preserving Machine - "Brilliant assemblage sculptor Jeremy Mayer has put up a new gallery of his work, which transforms parts from old typewriters into exotic, fanciful and expressive humans and animals."

Return Match - "The company may be toymakers, but this gun is no toy."

Vulcan's Hammer - "Of course, the researchers aren't satisifed with things just yet, and they're promising to make an even smaller DelFly Nano bot that'd have a two-inch wingspan and weigh just a single gram."

Sales Pitch - "The camera on the display uses face recognition technology to instantly work out if you're male or female and puts you in an age category before throwing up relevant ads."

---

--- Dick-Headline --- Gemini Division Is Like Blade Runner, But Terrible

"I should be standing in a chaos of sunflowers with a girl from Machynlleth, but I'm down at the Children's Zoo, kicking off on the goats." Half Man Half Biscuit, Floreat Inertia (This Leaden Pall, Probe Plus Records 1993)

---

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?

Numbskull

The Man Who Japed - "I've been struggling to find just the right bronze statue for my garden. It had to be about 4 feet tall. And elegant, yet rapey."

Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said - "They have a difficult job to do in a difficult climate but their approach needs to be reasonable and not presumptive that every person is somehow guilty of a possible terrorism or criminal offence."

Clans of the Alphane Moon - "Both Sanjib and his fake wife said they sought a mutual divorce which the court granted. Sanjib’s real wife found out later, when she was asked to leave their home."

We Can Build You - "The robot is built with slim, light limbs for a more feminine look."

Foster, You're Dead ! - "DEAR GOD, keep them safe!"

---

--- Dick-Headline --- Instant Moon Base to Be Delivered by Ares Rocket

"On a lilo, in a sea of alright, I’m a mongrel and I just won a dog fight." Half Man Half Biscuit, Mathematically Safe (Trouble Over Bridgwater, Probe Plus Records 2000)

---

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?

A Terran Odyssey - "By using unique robotic control algorithms, the suit works with the user rather than for the user. This allows the user to experience the sensation of walking autonomously and a chance at a normal life."

Sales Pitch - "Reportedly, deodorant manufacturer Right Guard has created an armpit-based method of advertising which has cleverly been dubbed "pitvertising." "

Galactic Pot-Healer - "The book consists of 25,000 of Wikipedia's most frequently accessed articles in printed form."

Radio Free Albemuth - "All of that is pretty outrageous. But it gets better."

---

--- Dick-Headline --- A nation of shoppers who feel empty inside...

"We’ve got lo-fi, we’ve got tie-dye, we’ve got grey and brown and black. We’ve got stickers on guitars, we’ve got a tape for Steve Lamacq. We’ve got celibate lead singers, we’ve got Sebadoh’s and Docs, but what ain’t we got? We ain’t got mates." Half Man Half Biscuit, Four Skinny Indie Kids (Four Lads Who Shook The Wirral, Probe Plus Records 1998)

---

Which PKD Story Are We In Today ?

It's a BOGOF Dark-Haired Girl Day

Radio Free Albemuth - "At no time did I have a laser. I had an iPhone."

We Can Build You - "The main idea is, by being more in tune with human emotions, giving the impression of empathy, the robots should be more readily accepted by the people they may one day serve."

VALIS - "Narcissism and religiosity go hand in hand."

The Owl In Daylight - "We are an adolescent species searching for our identity."

Progeny - "Gelfland had no predictions about who would raise the babies after they were born."

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep ? - "It can also be used inside of vehicles to find concealed human beings."

Sales Pitch - "You never know when some viral urban campaign would come around the corner and whack you with some bizarre message. "

---

--- Dick-Headline --- Earth and Moon From an Alien's Perspective

"I wear a tolerance robe. I have the patience of Job. But when I hear your wife’s silly giggling at Ann Summers parties..." Half Man Half Biscuit, Corgi Registered Friends (Achtung Bono, Probe Plus Records 2005)

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